Get More Info About Dr. Robyn Here: http://www.DrRobynSilverman.comHow to Talk to Kids about their Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell This podcast episode highlights the “superpowers” middle schoolers can develop in order to best navigate their journey in middle school. Dr. Robyn Silverman interviews licensed clinical professional counselor, Phyllis Fagell. Special guest: Phyllis Fagell The tween years are turbulent times for many. Research tells us that those kids who thrive have strong connections, show resilience, ask for help when it’s needed and set realistic and challenging goals for themselves. How do we, as parents and educators help them to thrive? Do we need to coddle, bulldoze and pave the way? No. Tweens are more capable than you think. In fact, my next guest writes, in her new book, Middle School Superpowers, tells us that “middle schoolers and superheroes have a lot in common.” We learn that while both these groups get catapulted into an unknown and tumultuous world, they also can develop superpowers that allow them to navigate this jarring journey if we are both there for them and give them room to soar. Phyllis Fagell, back on the show for a second time, is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a certified professional school counselor, a frequent contributor to The Washington Post and other national publications, and author of Middle School Matters. She is a school counselor at Sheridan School in Washington, D.C. and provides therapy to children, teens, and families at The Chrysalis Group Inc. in Bethesda, Maryland. Phyllis also speaks and consults on issues relating to parenting, counseling, and education. Her new book, Middle School Superpowers is the topic of today’s podcast! Important Messages: • What’s getting in their way? Body changes, new challenges—we can help them cope. Answering questions, extinguish fears, planning, pros and cons, etc. • Change: For a lot of kids, moving from those really warm supportive elementary years to that bigger environment is really, there’s a sense of melancholies about it. They feel like they’re leaving childhood behind. Normalize those feelings, help them figure out some strategies for managing that change, and reinforcing and understanding ourselves what it means to deal with change. We know people have a really hard time dealing with uncertainty. People would rather get a painful electrical shock than have a 50% chance of getting a painful electrical shock. And I think there’s some comfort for kids and knowing that change is hard for everyone. • One of the things I’ve noticed in the last few years, especially as kids return to school is that all of them feel awkward. All of them feel like their social skills are weak. Any middle schooler has the potential to say something that’s supposed to be funny and lands mean, and at any given time, even the most socially adept, quote unquote popular kid can feel awkward out on the block top trying to enter conversation. • We want to make sure that we are focusing on these skills for all kids in this age group and not making the mistake of thinking they’re too old for really concrete suggestions. The key thing is that we don’t correct them or embarrass them in front of siblings, in front of peers, that we do it in a way that’s like loving and non-critical and non-judgmental, which is very, very hard to pull off. • USE EXAMPLES FROM YOUR LIFE: I share in the book an example of a time when somebody suggests saying that to a neighbor who has pointed out that there are a lot of leaves on their lawn, that the neighbor clearly is worried that the leaves are going to blow onto that person’s lawn, and they’re trying to find a tactful way to suggest they clean up their yard. And it is a way for that parent to explain to a child some of those subtle nuances and communication that otherwise they might miss. • You might even say “I wish I could say…” “What’s in the back of mind is…” And then perspective take “But how would that land?” Transferability. • TACTICS: I had a very good sense of how the kids were doing socially, but she felt like she was incredibly ill-equipped to enter a conversation. And so we talked through what does that look like? Maybe you stand there long enough to listen to what they’re talking about when you have a sense of the topic, then you wait for a break in the conversation so you’re not interrupting anyone. And you ask them a question related to something they were clearly showing interest in. And that kid tried this and came back to me and was just flabbergasted that it worked. • TACTIC: If you have a kid who’s really struggling working with the school, I’ve assigned kids a wing girl or a wing boy, somebody who is really skilled socially and really extroverted, who will help them enter that conversation. And that’s of course done with enthusiasm from both sides and done subtly so that nobody’s embarrassed. • SET UP FOR SUCCESS NOT FAILURE: But anyt
from Dr. Robyn Silverman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYfZCmiDg1A
